


Damn Acidlions

by EdgyAestheticUsername



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Angst, Angst without a happy ending, Blindness, Gen, Mute Gordon Freeman, Panic Attacks, Slightly - Freeform, Sudden blindness, also the combine but only kinda, dog counts i think, i got squeamish at the end so no happy ending sorry, whoop almost forgot, you can pretend there is one tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:08:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25903336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdgyAestheticUsername/pseuds/EdgyAestheticUsername
Summary: Not knowing how to drive and being trusted as the go-to person to drive in the apocalypse sucks on its own. Being said trusted person and slowly losing your sight as you drive is a totally different beast, and it's one that Gordon is not at all prepared for. At least he isn't left alone and defenseless in a hostile wasteland, trying to navigate without the use of his eyes. It doesn't make the ordeal any less awful.
Relationships: Gordon Freeman & Alyx Vance
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	Damn Acidlions

**Author's Note:**

> The controls on all of the vehicles in Half-Life 2 are absolutely the worst. How do I convey that? With Gordon not having a driver's licence, of course! It doesn't at all help that acidlions spit in his face earlier, either, and he's just barely starting to feel the effects of that.
> 
> The beginning in the tunnel is based off of a glitch I noticed where if you drive through a loadpoint at top speeds, it's like you hit a wall and you start to spin out, it's very disorienting.  
> Also! Gordon signs in [brackets], if you've read my work before, you know the drill :p

Gordon doesn’t think that now would be the time to tell Alyx Vance that he’s never actually driven a car. Not when she’s already in the passenger seat watching him expectantly, as is the Vortigaunt that had gotten them this far. He doesn’t think now is the time to tell her that if it wasn’t for the angle of the bridge he jumped the car from, he probably would have crashed it into the sands below. She’s expecting him to sit down, fire the ignition and get on the road so they can get to White Forest safely. He’s shaking under the HEV suit as he crouches into the vehicle, turning the dial for the ignition and putting his hands on the wheel.

“ _Warning, user heart rate high._ ” The HEV suit’s speaker crackles softly, and Gordon catches the strange look Alyx gives him for it from the corner of his eye. He pretends not to, though, his foot slamming on the gas before she can comment. 

“Whoa, Gordon!” She exclaims, grabbing onto one of the bars above her head as the car lurches and takes off. Gordon has to stifle a sound in the back of his throat, not expecting the vehicle to take off so fast. 

They pass through the tunnel, the light at the end of it nearly blinding Gordon as they come out of it. For some reason, without being able to see where they’re going, he jerks the wheel in a hard left, barely having time to break at all as the car heads for the inside wall.

“Gordon, oh my god! Be careful!” Alyx yells to him, jerking the wheel straight again to help avoid the collision. “It’s a straight road through here, it’s okay!”

“ _Warning, user heart rate very high._ ” The suit warns again, and Gordon once again ignores it, and Alyx. His eyes are starting to adjust to the lighting anyway, he can see the road again, partially. His vision is still somewhat washed out, everything looking way too bright. He just chalks that up to adjustment, and rights them on the road. He presses down on the gas, a little more lightly this time.

“Hey, I can take over if you really need me to…” Alyx offers, only to be waved off with a huff. “Okay, if you say so…”

Gordon focuses back in, forcing himself not to jerk the wheel as much as he wants to, especially on turns. He can tell it’s going to be a long drive.

* * *

Gordon’s vision does not improve at all. The world, as they go along twisted roads crowded with the shells of what once were modern cars, gets no less washed out. In fact, he’s starting to think that maybe it’s actually getting… worse, more clouded. 

In fact, he realizes suddenly, that’s exactly what’s happening. There’s a splotch in his right eye that he can’t even see past anymore, and no matter how many times he blinks, it’s not going away. He’s thinking about it so hard that he nearly sends himself and Alyx flying off of a cliffside at top speed, jerking the wheel to avoid it. Alyx lets out a startled noise at that.

“Gordon, stop the car!” She demands, and Gordon whines, trying to wave her off. “Fine, I’ll stop it!” She grabs the handbrake, out of Gordon’s clouded field of view, and gives it a firm yank. The car comes screeching to a halt, the engine still rumbling, Gordon’s hands still white-knuckling the wheel. His foot comes off the gas and he doesn’t dare look at Alyx.

“ _Warning, user heart rate extremely high. Seek assistance immediately._ ” He HEV suit chimes unhelpfully. It’s not like Gordon could exactly ignore the hammering in his chest.

“What is _wrong_ with you, Gordon? It’s like you can’t see five feet in front of us! And no offence, but I’m pretty sure Dog could drive better than you.” She scolds. 

Gordon squeezes his eyes closed, both an attempt to shut her out and make his eyes work again. He lets out a trembling breath, then peels his hands off the wheel. If he weren’t wearing gloves, he’s sure his hands would be sweating a lot more. Finally he looks at her. She’s extremely cloudy and blurred. He starts to sign only for her to interrupt.

“Whoa, what’s wrong with-” She starts, stopped almost instantly by a small barrage of bullets hitting the front of the vehicle. 

Gordon feels some bounce off and connect with his face, though not painfully. He instinctively ducks, knowing Alyx is already out of the car when he hears her handgun going off next to him. He scrambles for his own weapon in the back, finding… Something. It’s a big gun. He can’t really feel which one without a sense of touch, and it’s too cloudy to make out the shape clearly. He thinks it’s the shotgun, probably, jumping out of the car. His finger fumbles for the trigger, bracing the butt against the shoulder of the suit as though he can still aim. There are scraps of radio gibberish in the distance, and moving shapes, all he has to go off of. He squeezes the trigger, expecting a much stronger kick than he gets and only a single blast rather than the few short ones. It’s not the shotgun. He curses himself internally.

One by one, along with Alyx’s shots, each shape falls out of view and becomes part of the ground. Gordon lowers his gun. 

“Are you okay?! They were all firing on you, you didn’t even move!” He doesn’t realize Alyx is at his side until he feels her hand land on his shoulder, shaking it slightly. 

Gordon nods slowly, and turns to where he thinks her voice is coming from. He can barely make out her shape anymore.

“God, okay. Next time, maybe shoot back too, alright? You drew their fire but damn, that wouldn’t have been good if you got hit.” Alyx scolds, and he can barely tell she moves away. He can hear her seat squeak as she takes her place again. 

Gordon whines, then starts to sign. He still hasn’t moved at all. [I can’t see.] He waits a few moments, then does it again. [I can’t see.]

“What?” Alyx questions. 

[ _I can’t see!_ ] Gordon signs more forcefully. 

“ _Warning, elevated heart rate and shortness of breath detected, seek assistance._ ” The suit crackles one more time, and Gordon wants to scream at it to shut up already, he knows he can’t fucking breathe either.

There’s a weight on his shoulder again. He can’t see anything anymore. The world is solid white like someone had tied a thick cloth around his eyes. “What do you mean you can’t… Oh, my god…” Alyx breathes, and that’s not a good sign. “Gordon, your eyes! What happened?” 

He shakes his head, blinking hard. His free hand comes up to rub hard at one eye, another whine escaping him. If they _look_ different, there must be something really, really wrong. 

“No wonder you couldn’t drive, you couldn’t see! Why didn’t you say anything?! Come on, let’s go, I can drive us.” She takes his arm and leads him to where he assumes the other seat is. She takes his gun from his hands and he hears it land in the back with the others. Gordon puts an arm out, finding the chair with his hand as he sinks in. He blindly reaches around until he finds the bar Alyx had been holding before, gripping it for dear life. The car starts and then moves, fast enough for Gordon to whine again. Not even the suit comments on that.

* * *

After being useless in not one, but _two_ Combine hunter ambushes, Gordon just wants to curl up in a ditch and die, or at the very least let the aliens get him. He’s practically dead weight without his vision, he has no sense of touch, and he can’t speak. He feels like a useless meat sack in a protective metal shell more than anything, and yet Alyx saved his sorry ass every time. Guilt blocks his throat and he thinks even if he suddenly regained his sight, he wouldn’t be able to look at her. He’s shaking uncontrollably now, and miraculously, the suit has wisely chosen not to announce that. He feels the car slow at some point and fears that they’re going into another town. 

That thought is wiped away when human voices call out to them, encouraging them to keep moving up a river. Gordon didn’t even know there was a river near here. Alyx drives a little farther, then turns off the vehicle entirely. He hears her get out, and then she’s grabbing his arm. “Come on, Gordon, we’ll have to go on foot from here. There’s a dead Strider blocking the path, we can get past it pretty easily.”

The moment she says that, something makes a horrid noise, making Gordon flinch. Alyx swears, he hears her gun go off a few times, then comes the sound of metal on metal. At first Gordon thinks that whatever was making the noise had gotten their car, and is proved wrong when Alyx calls out to Dog. The sound of combat picks up after that, Strider shots going off while metal connects with flesh. Something heavy hits the ground not far from Gordon and he jumps away, landing hard with a large rock in his side. It knocks the wind out of him, once again making him blink as though there’s anything he can do to fix his eyes. He raises an arm to his face, hoping to at least kind of shield himself.

Just as quickly as it all started, it all ends. Alyx cheers, then calls out to him. He hears Dog approach him, doing his best not to flinch as the robotic canine mechanically whines next to his face. 

“He can’t see, Dog. We have to get him a medic fast. Come on, Gordon. We can use the car now.” Alyx gets closer too, eventually grabbing him by his arm and hauling him up to his feet. He’s ushered back to the vehicle and set down. “Hey… I have an idea. How about we race?” The engine roars to life. “Dog, you go on ahead! I’ll race you to the base!” Alyx calls, and Gordon hears Dog take off. He barely has time to brace himself as the car briefly spins out, then takes off at a speed he didn’t even know was possible in the thing. He grab on to whatever he can with both hands, ignoring the next set of warnings from the HEV as his heart rate spikes again. 

Gordon _swears_ he blacked out for a few moments, and suddenly the car is stopping again, cheers from a few people going up all around them as well as happy greetings. Then he’s being dragged out of the car, and Alyx is shouting right next to him. Gordon flinches.

“Where are your medics?! We need one badly!” She yells.

Someone else yells back from somewhere higher up. “In a common room, you can’t miss them on your way in!”

There’s no response from Alyx as Gordon is dragged… somewhere darker than the outside, that’s all he can tell. That, and he nearly trips over himself as the ground smooths out under his feet and turns to concrete. He’s being dragged at an alarming pace, but frankly, he won’t fight it, he’s as anxious to get his sight back as her. _He refuses to add an “if” statement to that._

“Hey!” She calls out after a few moments. “Hey, we have a situation here!” Gordon is suddenly set on a crate, or maybe it’s an actual chair, he can’t tell. Either way, it’s hard, and he’s sitting down now. 

“What’s going on?” Another woman asks. 

“Take a look, he just… lost his sight. I didn’t even notice until it was almost gone.” Alys explains. 

“Okay… that’s weird. Doctor Freeman, I need you to keep your eyes open for me, I’m going to shine a light in them.” The woman he assumes now is a medic says, and Gordon nods. A few moments later, he can faintly see a light, first in one eye, then the other. “Okay, they’re still reacting to light, so that’s good at least. Did anything get in them?”

“...Gordon? Did you get something in your eyes?” Alyx directs the question at him. Well…

[Acidlion acid… I think? Maybe?] He signs carefully, hoping it looks at least somewhat right. 

“One more time, buddy.” Alyx requests.

[Acid. From acidlion.] This time he finger spells the words, hoping maybe that helps. It seems to.

“Acidlion acid. God, Gordon, and you didn’t at least _try_ to flush your eyes? What happened to lab safety?” Alyx translates, then scolds.

[There’s no such thing as lab safety in the apocalypse.] He says, though he’s almost sure it gets ignored, or that no one sees.

“Okay, well… I’ve never had to treat that before, so… maybe we _should_ try an eye flush, to see if that makes a difference at all.” The medic suggests. 

Gordon’s glasses are taken from his face before he can answer. “I think that’s the best idea right now. Gordon, there’s a wall behind you, lean back. Can we just do it here?”

There’s no response from the medic, but Gordon does as he’s asked and leans back against the wall. It’s fairly far away, leaving him reclining pretty far. It’s not like this would be the first time he needs his eyes flushed, sometimes working with volatile chemicals leads to these situations no matter how safe you’re being. This is simply… a new situation. That doesn’t mean he likes it at all.

“ _Warning, user heart rate extremely high, seek assistance immediately._ ” Rings the HEV suit one last time. Gordon shivers, and braces himself for the unpleasant experience.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry there's no happy ending, you can just pretend that the fix worked and he got his sight back over time. I'm just really squeamish about anything to do with eyes, so I wasn't strong enough to write that shit.
> 
> Fun fact; the working title for this one was "pov hev suit calls you out for having a panic attack while you go blind"


End file.
